When my jogging pants were tight... I knew there was a problem. For the last 8 years I have been half-heartedly chasing my "dreams"- which for the most part are shifting and unspecific. The only constant being my love of performing. Of which I have achieved very little "success". I put success into air quotes because as an artist "success" is subjective, relative and intangible, except we all know what it feels like when it happens. Oh and let's not even discuss the italics. So where am I? I am 30. I have found a job that pays my bills. My loving parents support my every artistic whim. My Puppa loves me and the Kitty likes me most of the time. I have a BFF that really gets me. I am happily married to a Hubby who takes very good care of me. I have been married for 1 year and marriage agrees with me- if you know what I mean. I am supposed to be happy. But there is something missing. I have been working on the periphery of this acting business for almost 10 years, but I haven't really been trying. Whoa, that was hard to admit. Well, I've tried a little but not enough to really make a difference, just enough to keep up appearances. Mostly just wishing and hoping. Fingers crossed that someone, somewhere with some sort of power over something would see me and recognize greatness. Well, that's stupid. I thought by not really trying that I couldn't really fail. Well, that's really stupid. I was also hoping that my stubborn nature would help me to be the last one standing. Stupid, who wants to win by default? So, things have got to change. Knowing that nothing great comes without hard work I have set myself a challenge. Thrown down a gauntlet, if you will, the contract is as follows:
I, Melicious Manners, heretofore known as the talent am willing entering into this contract. The talent is going to GO for IT! There will be some serious changes in the talent's career. She's going to track her physical, employment and emotional progress. In this, the talent's 31st year, half measures will not be tolerated. This will be a full court press. The talent is going to start putting in the required effort. Which includes but is not limited to; Physical appearance, Agency representation, Professional betterment, Style and General emotional well-being.
I the Talent approve this message.
The Starving Artist will be released every Monday starting Sept 17. And I want to invite you to see what I can do. Plus I would be lying if I didn't admit that this blog is one of the reasons I started to actually believe in myself. Finding out that even things this hard have benefits beyond expectation is the most rewarding lesson I've learned. Lesson 2: The more daunting the endeavour the greater the reward. The time is now, there will never be another today for me to better myself. Today is all we get and I am tired of being stupid. But I am ready to be hungry. I am looking forward to impressing you:)
Once upon a time there was a little boy. This little boy didn't like fun; he thought it was no fun. Everywhere he went he wore a big red baseball cap, pulled down low to hide his grumpy eyes. He didn't like other people having fun and he didn't like people trying to get him to have fun. His least favourite things were cheering, smiling and laughing. One day his having-no-fun Mom took him to the carnival where he sat stone faced on the bumper cars. Hearing all the fun the other kids and grown ups were having he got mad.
'I don't like it when you laugh so loud!' he shouted at them as they banged his car and giggled on to bang another. After spinning and swirling on the Zipper and Scrambler; he still didn't like fun. The only time it looked like he was smiling was when he was hung upside down but as soon as he realized he flipped it back around. His having-no-fun Mom took him to the shows- where she yawned- watching a highflying trapeze, a tightrope and lions. Death defying acts and not a shriek or an Ooooh, not even a hoot or a clap. The stone faced pair didn't crack a smile. Walking out into the midway he ate popcorn, cotton candy and corn dogs. He even finished a pound of maple fudge but he still wasn't having any fun. His red baseball cap pulled down so far, his eyes were covered when he heard a happy fun sound. Ugh, Music. Tipping his head back to get a look past his pulled down brim. Seeing his no-fun Mom was busy texting on her phone- complaining no doubt- about the perfect weather, the happy music and her no-fun Son, the boy walked towards the music eager to put an end to it. The music was coming from a parade with a marching band and a waving crowned queen riding a float with clowns strolling alongside tossing candy and beads into the crowd. He took his cap off for the first time all day and the sunshine hit the boy's frowning face. Upon her float a crowned Queen saw his un-fun face and taking pity on the boy waved to him. The clowns were dispatched, honing in on his unhappiness, picking him up, swinging him around and putting him up onto the waving Queen's float.
'My boy,' she cooed in her queenly way, 'why so sad?' Looking up to her smiling eyes and sparkling crown, then back down to the ball cap in his hands he sighed.
'I don't like fun. I don't like cheering or chuckling or secret handshakes or games. I just don't like it. Not one bit.' The Queen looked sad, forgetting she was part of a happy carnival parade, how could it be that this little boy didn't like fun?
'Little sad boy, if you had one wish what would it be?' she asked. The boy thought as the parade cut its way through the happy dancing crowd. Deep in thought, he forgot about hating fun so much. Sitting with the Queen as she waved, he couldn't help but start waving too. At first it was just for something to do as the pondered his wish- then he started feeling a feeling he'd never felt before. A single tickle under his chin. So, he waved harder watching the way the Queen waved. The crowd watching saw the un-fun boy start to change and the louder they cheered the bigger he waved. The tiny tickle under his chin scurried it's way up to the corner of his mouth. The sad clown noticed it first. The start of a smile. The first smile the boy who hated fun ever had. The crowned Queen asked the boy again,
'If you had one wish, what would you wish?'. The boy remembered suddenly about his no-fun Mom, his first smile fading. As he put his cap back on with a sigh, he turned unsmiling to the Queen and said,
'I wish my Mom could have more fun. I think most grown-ups forget how.' With that the no-fun Son climbed down from the float and ran back through the crowd towards his no-fun Mom, who was looking for him.
'You little scamp! I lost you. What have you got to say for yourself?'. With his brow furrowed underneath his hat brim, the little boy said:
'Mom, I want you to know that fun is not my thing. But you shouldn't miss out. Life can be hard on grown ups.' Taking off his baseball cap the little boy who didn't like fun, opened up a clenched fist and offered his palm to his mother, but it was empty.
'I brought you a smile fit for a Queen, and it's perfect for your face.' handing the unseen smile over; the un-fun Mom took it and used it right away. Holding out her hand to the little boy in the red baseball cap who didn't like fun.
'Well kiddo,' the now-almost-fun Mom said, 'how about we go home and leave the carnival to the people who like fun things.' And they walked home together making sure there was no more funny business. And the now-fun Mom was wearing her queenly smile the whole way.
The Metro this morning had an end of summer recipe. Whoa your horses! END of Summer? I do not agree. So, I huffed and puffed and stomped and spit. Then I looked at my calendar and it's the day after the Labour Day weekend- the unofficial end of summer. Goodbye white shoes. I can't believe it's flown by so fast. I remember being 10 and cursing the summer for being so long and boring! When would I see my friends again? Now, as a grown up, I can see my friends whenever I want to- if I have the time. But that doesn't mean it isn't better in the warm sunlight of summer with so many more options available for fun. These sunny months I worked my first full time gig in 5 years. Monopolizing 5 days of my week -every week; which wore me out for the weekend. Not a great way to spend such a rock-awesome summer. Les Sigh. That being said I was hyper-conscience of spending time doing fun things in the great outdoors, charging my Vitamin D battery for the long- and what they say will be cold winter. What were my fav parts you ask? Well, let me tell you:
Celebrating 1 year of marriage to my Hubby and the Commissioner. I am so glad he's been so patient and so helpful with all things house related- like painting and dishes. Keep it up. Also now that it is on record you will be legally responsible to maintain these chores. Sorry, I don't make up the rules.
Yellow toe nails. Candy corn toenails. Both of which were my great idea. But when applied to my fingertips was an after night shoot disaster. My super yellow purse that I got for Valentine's Day looks even better with my summer sun kissed skin. Yellow! It worked for me.
I still fit my shorts from last year. So I didn't need to buy anything but 2 jean skirts and 4 assorted tee-shirts in this summer's hottest colours. I always have a go-to outfit. And this year it was a jean skirt and summer peach top. Oh! I also got a new watch, my last one was 11 years old. And for the first time I ordered clothing from the internet and it really fit and looked good. I think I might be getting the hang of this inter-web thingy.
I watched over 60 sunrises while eating cold cereal often with fiber supplements. Some sunrises started as night and drifted into mornings. And those mornings I've never been happier to see the sun.
Coors light iced tea was invented and I love it. As well I tried 6 new micro-breweries plus a sake distillery and a a few home brews- Thanks to Tambourine. There was also lots of delicious food on patios, including Mexican, Cuban and Continental. Drunken brunches with Hubby, Tambourine & Damber. Plus there were beers for the first time in years with my NewMomma-friend.
Clearing out a tonne of beads and findings as well as paper crafts and stationary was a great way to refocus me on what I really love. I learned 5 new chords on Baby Belle. My sight reading is getting faster. My writing is getting better. So says I. I took up drawing. I am not good at it but I started. These artistic endeavours are starting to gain momentum.
Entertainment-wise this summer had rollercoasters, ice skating, acrobats, fishing, the drive in, the beach, tight flying formations, 3D movies, a first edition print from 1923:) by Anna Jameson about exploring Toronto in the winter. I watched Annie- I haven't seen it in 20 years. Then wore my locket for 3 weeks straight and sang Baby to myself, until a work colleague asked me to stop. Oh yeah! I almost forgot the Olympics. That was cool.
So, while suffering from my last official summer sunburn, my pale skin glowing a mean red, the vitamin E gel stinging my eyes. I couldn't help but think about all the smiles and sunshine I was lucky enough to enjoy this condensed season. The greatest thing about the weather change is that it's the perfect opportunity to be thankful for the good parts and look back fondly and while also seeing that there are many new adventures yet to unfold. So Metro have I got one for you; two parts sunshine, one parts Melicious and just a dash of fun, the perfect recipe for the end of summer.
P.S. Fall if you're reading this you do not officially begin until Sept 22. So, don't think you're on the clock early.
Yesterday was my 1 year wedding anniversary. Hurray! It's paper. The year wasn't easy but it sure was interesting and awesome. There was so much stuff to see and do. So, I wanted to let you know some of the things I learned:
1. My Momma loves buying hats.
2. Condos stoves do not accommodate an 8 quart roasting pan with lid.
3. If you ask nicely enough your Hubby will take care of it because you're so busy. (must be busy to qualify)
4. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
5. It's easier to let Hubby do what he wants than try and convince him otherwise. Though he's finally realized that I am the one who knows how to find the fun.
6. Some people talk and some people do. But it's best to be a bit of both.
7. Actions speak louder than words. Except yelling, that's the loudest.
8. Telling someone to relax has the opposite effect.
9. Teaching each other to be better people is a fun activity.
10. Mastering social flow of conversation is key to becoming a social master.
11. Rock Hudson and Danny DeVito are both sexy for different reasons.
12. A bed is not sleepable until there is at least 2 teeny furry bodies in it.
13. Being married means giving gifts as a couple.
13a. It also means someone taking 1/2 the credit for your wicked gift.
14. My Hubby can be very persuasive when he wants to be.
15. An August anniversary is perfect timing. Except when it falls on a Monday after FanExpo.
16. Paper is not a good gift. Unless there is a former prime minister on it.
17. I would rather have chicken wings and a lemon drop with our favourite bartender than fancy-it-up for my anniversary dinner.
18. Being married to the Karaoke host is just as brutal as dating him. Drunk girls love the karaoke host.
19. People remember what they got you for your wedding. And think you use it while they're there to impress them- when really you use it all the time.
20. Gift certificates are the 2nd best gift.
21. I am a workaholic for the wrong reasons on the wrong things.
22. Working opposite shifts is hard on your relationship but great for shower schedules.
23. Being a newlywed has a different feeling, that doesn't last long enough.
24. Tough Ole' Papa B likes to hug us all- including Bucy and the Bean.
25. I did good picking such a rocking Hubby. And I even love him the days I might not like him.
26. Everybody can dance to Bluegrass.
27. I am lucky My other Mother is as great as she is.
28. Having inside jokes as a married couple surprises people.
29. People love giving newlyweds advice- especially if their marriage didn't work out.
30. Marriage isn't easy. But our lives are better because of it.
This last year has changed both of us. And for the next marital year we have already made our resolutions. It's exciting and I look forward to helping those things happen. We are becoming two braver and bolder people with each other's love and support; I wouldn't bet against these underdogs. Watch me! Watch Us! Watch out! The honeymoon might be over, but I am still over the moon.
On my way to work I found a wallet. Jammed full of papers- could've been receipts, money or the perfect standup comedy routine; I didn't look inside to see. While standing there, wallet in hand I made the decision to hand it over to the authorities. As I was on the bus platform, those authorities were TTC officers. While walking back to the ticket booth, I saw a man running frantically past me, scouring the area, looking for something and looking hard. As he passed me I spoke up: "Excuse me? What are you looking for?" Catching himself he pulled me into focus and realized I was holding a man's wallet. A smile crossed his face and a sigh escaped his lips: "That! I am looking for that." Now, I have no way of knowing if it was actually his wallet- but the odds are in his favour.
Growing up I heard many great stories about being a good Samaritan. Three travelers on the highway, the Mermaid and the Woodcutter and Red Rose and Snow White. Each one rewarded for their generous quality of spirit, though not always financially. Generosity and kindness aren't things that can be quantified, though it would be nice to be known as the best Good Samaritan. But no matter how much effort I put into being one, there's always someone better at it than me. Now, I know it's not a competition for goodness but nobody likes winning a scruffy bronze at the Samaritan games.
As for that man and his lost wallet, I gave it to him and he began running frantically back towards the bus he thought he was sure to miss. With barely a thank you, I was left standing empty handed on the platform. As important as finding his wallet was to him, he forgot that I was honest enough to give it back, unopened and safe. Leaving me to wonder if being a good person was my reward, or if the universe would make a deposit into my Karma account. I am hoping it's option 2; cuz I could really use a low interest Karmortgage.
I am drinking my own Kool-aid. While sitting on the sofa my Kitty swiftly and silently planted herself within arms reach; a sure sign that she wants some loving'. Upon realizing she was there, even though I didn't want to become involved in a furry-purry-festival, I recalled writing about being an affectionate Momma the day before. So, I held myself accountable and began a fur-affair. Uh oh! If I write it it comes true. I am holding myself to a higher standard. If I say I am going to do it in a blog post, it gets done. I am becoming the personality I created online.
There was a time not so long ago, I was filled with big dreams and they tumbled out of an even bigger mouth. But they just fell to the floor and lay there like dead leaves only to blown away by the hot air my big mouth kept huffing. With the fickle nature of any artist, I would start a project and then loose interest. But writing it down really does force you to be accountable. People are shocked by the amount I can write and how quickly. Is it all good? I'm no Stephen King, but I manage.
Having a great idea is one thing. Having a great idea actually become something, even if that something isn't very good, is better. Magic says 'You miss 100% of the baskets you don't shoot." Well, 100 is too many percent. I was tired of being unhappy- so I faked it. I pretended to be happy...and now I am. I am really, really happy actually. I feel more like myself than I ever have before. Not everything is perfect but Roddammit, it's a lot better. Learning to love something by working through the hate is the best training for life. Life will always be hard work, even the easy things can be a challenge. I never thought I could actually enjoy working this hard and not getting paid for it. But I also can't believe that I haven't been doing this longer.
My actions have started speaking for me. Even louder than my words if that's conceivable. Accountability and being true to one's word are great new character traits I have cultivated in myself. I am practicing what I preach! And I love everyday of this weird and wacky life I've chosen. The best thing is you can change the things you don't like about yourself, as long as you're able to let that Crazy-lazy-no good-all talk-Biatch-go! And I gave her the not-so-nice exit music and her digital walking papers. Optimism agrees with me, I think I'll have another half full glass of Kool-aid :)
PS: If these blogs actually come true I would like the following: 1. Book deal 2. International comedy tour 3. Secluded country house on a hill near a lake, surrounded by trees; the perfect place for writing 4- 9. Items to be added as BFF, Bro, Momma and Hubby submit their wants.
It has been so long since I've had a vacation... a really real vacation. I have gone on trips to my parents, day trips down or up to the beach and hung out in Montreal. But I haven't had 2 weeks solid of days and nights off...With no strings attached and a few bonus days with Hubby gone up north. I really woke myself up! And I learned quite a bit.
1. Putting a ribbon on something doesn't make it a gift.
2. No plan-plans are the easiest and most satisfying plans to attend.
3. Anything is appropriate wardrobe if it's THAT hot out.
4. Buns are great if I wanna look like a ballerina without an eating disorder.
5. Lucy positions herself so that as I pet her the fan blows her loose hair back in my face. She's tricky like that.
6. I remembered how to scream. But once you've lost your voice it won't come back if you keep screaming.
7. Not every selfless act is free.
8. Taking a gamble with thirty percent chance of thunderstorms is like betting against the dealer.
9. Kids are cute until they make that face and explode from both ends.
10. Jogging when the humid ex is high is like trying to breath underwater.
11. James Bond is hot. And if Beckham were James Bond there would be way more kicking.
12. Obsession is something most people should keep to themselves. Or limit to 2 hours per visit.
13. Don't start a conversation with the Commissioner unless you're prepared to be thoroughly tongue lashed for your insolence.
14. Cuban food rocks.
15. BFFs exist for all the great-big-fun and fabulous reasons.
16. Peeing in the pool is acceptable if you're laughing that hard.
17. Karaoke is supposed to be songs everyone knows. Singing- scratch that- screaming along is part of the fun.
18. If your Hubby recognizes the smell of your fart, he'll sell you out; just to make friends.
19. White wine can make you fell like falling or like flying depending on the region of the grapes.
20. A drive-in is the perfect place for 2 girls to talk through a movie.
21. Puppa will always wait until you're close enough to benefit from a good shake.
22. Drunk men will try and proposition you because you have a dog. Having a dog means having a place nearby; so they don't have to drive back home to Kitchener.
23. Sometimes the most interesting looking people talk about some lame stuff. (ie: Egg salad or bandanas)
24. I want to ride the boat around the channel past the drive-in. I don't know what it's called or who owns it, or if they even take passengers, but I want to.
25. I forgot how much I loved high kicking.
26. Jilly doesn't stomp at me when she's hungry, she just stares and puppy sighs as though I should just get it, because I am her Momma.
27. Being a single Puppy-Momma isn't hard if you have a part-time nanny.
28. Slumber parties rock.
29. I can sweat while eating brunch, so that when I get up the pool drips down the back of my dress and puddles on to the seat.
30. Caribana is not as loud in a backyard swimming pool.
31. Meat is not my friend. Unless it's still alive, in which case I will pet it and we will become friends.
32. My Hubby isn't happy with only boys around, but the way he smells I don't think girls would be happy around him either.
33. The 4 storey hole in my backyard is a muddy and green pond...which is kinda Zen.
34. There is a family of 3 mini-city bred skunks lurking in my neighbourhood. There is a turf war brewing.
35. The barometer is a tool of torture.
36. Pickle sandwiches don't exist for a reason.
37. You can get 2 weeks out of a pedicure if you walk on sand.
38. The Olympics aren't fun until we get to the medal rounds; just like every other sporting event.
39. Lemon juice is not a hair product, it's an urban wives tale. Just like not being able to swim at Toronto beaches.
40. Roller coasters are a great source of tension. There should be more movies about them, though I imagine they'd be shorts.
41. My Baby Belle sounds better singing happy tunes, and happiest while playing the Disney library.
42. It's easier to encapsulate and optimize your time in the city- the close proximity allows for entertainment leap frogging.
43. Secret codes are hard to explain but helpful to have... Even if you're the only one who knows it.
44. Little Red Riding hood is a very clever little girl. But not every babysitter gets fridge privileges.
45. Music can come from anywhere, but that doesn't make it all good.
46. My arms tan, my chest tans, my stomach burns and my legs get patchy.
47. A facial can take 2 weeks to heal, and even then is still working hard.
48. My Puppa sleeps as close to me as possible, even if there is tonnes of room in bed.
49. Creating a cartoon series is harder than it looks.
50. Spending a rainy day watching an entire season on Netflix is worth the $7 a month.
51. Picking it just makes it worse.
By the time you relax, you're vacation is over. Which is sad- but I gotta say I was missing you. You know, missing this, US<3 and I am glad to have it back, though I do wish I was still floating around a pool or getting macro-dermabrasion at the beach, or bbqing with my Besties in the backyard... But maybe, just maybe, if I work hard and try hard and hope, I can still do it on the weekends... Oh right, weekends are for doing what you want... Silly me. And I will keep doing it, you can bet on that. Welcome back and happy Tuesday of the August long weekend. I am glad to see ya!
Every Monday my co-workers tease me about the amount of stuff I jam into a weekend. Trying to remind me that weekends are for relaxing. And seeing as this was a partially cloudy one and BFF was out of town, I decided to actually rest up. So I watched movies. All sorts of movies. Some I hadn't seen and a couple old favourites. Movies from the 60's, 70's, 80s and 90's. Meryl Streep, Robert DeNiro, Tim Allen, Justin Long, Sigorney Weaver, Jerry Lewis, Christopher Reeves, the Sheriff of Nottingham & Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman. It was my goal to have a quiet weekend. A weekend filled with snuggling. A weekend filled with relaxation and rejuvenation. Full of cuddling the Stinker and falling in love with our favourite actors all over again. To try fitting somewhere on the couch with Hubby and Lucy, all 4 of us in perfect harmony. And watch the magic of the movies.
Now Hubby has never seen the classics. Unlike me growing up in a world where colour didn't exist until grade 5. Classics were all I knew. A woman was a woman in a wonderful gown. A man was a hero saving the day at the last minute. People cried and music swelled and romance was honest. No false pretense. Just you and I in love. Travelling through time to be together. Clandestine train rides and ringing bells. The comedy was physical; the romance: inevitable. The movies are where my life belongs. Watching people struggle with the old questions and inventing new ones, it's only a matter of time until we've solved them, if we work together.
Hubby says the oldies are nothing new. That you know what's happening before it happens. I say it helps us to learn that the struggles we have are nothing other than daily life. That it's okay to struggle. To scramble and scrounge. The peasants have been doing it for generations. Stealing from Peter to pay Paul. Why would the 60's be different? Why would that change in the 80's? If the human condition is just that, the stories are timeless. Its the amount of nudity that's changed not the story. Before when knees were news, they showed'em. And they've been trying to show more ever since. But it is the characters who fight and the stories that stick. Why would the movies change?
Movies in the 70's and 90's trying to prove they are doing something different. Reinventing the wheel? Well, since the wheel was invented people have been trying. Trying to create a new world through movies. Trying to tell a story we've already heard with a new narrator. The movies are a special place. A place where anything can happen... And even though this was suposed to be a relaxing weekend; I found myself, travelling through time, questing to the edges of the universe, celebrating Christmas in New York twice, watching a play from 1912, strolling beside a lake, staying at more than one grand hotel and answering way too many phone calls. The most significant change was the way people talked on the phone. The way they left messages for each other. Pay phones and desk phones, operators making important connections. I do miss that. So I guess it wasn't as relaxing a weekend as I had hoped. But I will always be glad to sit with a bowl of Bits and Bites and have an adventure. Thank you NetFlix:)
This blog would be so much easier. Right? Follow around a dude who solves mysteries and I give my own account of what happened, sans Sherlock brain. My life is so dull sometimes. Though, I don't long for the gravity of the adventures Sherlock embarks upon. Murders, blackmail, kidnapping and I want to pretend to do them. In a world where everything is planned and weighted and done by a stunt coordinator first. I want the made up adventures.
I want very much to be significantly more adventurous. The thing that worries me, is that if I was that adventurous, I wouldn't worry. But I do. Which makes me a Watson. Les sigh. Now, don't get me wrong. I make a great sidekick. I am the best 1960's Robin. I am a fantastic Tonto. But I don't want to be just a Girl Friday. Sometimes I want to take down the bad guy...but without all that pesky danger stuff. Might that be arranged? I want to be brave in the least threatening situation. Match point Watson.
The great thing about a relationship like that? If Sherlock didn't need him for something, he wouldn't be there. The dynamic only works when they work together! Don't you see the pattern? Every Sherlock must have a Watson. Every Guy, had a standup Gal. There's a hand for every glove type thing. Like in tha'Movies. Things move in groups and pairs. Every single one meaning something special to the other. A world of support systems. Spanning a lifetime. What a fabulous feeling; to be part of something so perfect. Or at least it could be , if we we're all a little more Watson sometimes.
P.S. Don't even get me started on Benny, he's the world's best Sherlock:) Mmmhmmm. No offense RDJr.
This week was a banner hanging record breaking, past the point of no return, let's get ready to rumble type week. As my adventures in adulthood continue; finance became priority # 1 on the never ending list, with laundry holding steady at #8. In the same week I was offered a crazy amount of credit, but none of it could be used for anything helpful; like a mortgage. Though somehow they'd be fine if I wanted to buy a boat. The very next letter I opened was a fine and a serious scolding for not paying enough to the government. Now wouldn't it be great if one group spoke to the other? One supporting my spending habits, the other keeping them in line.
If we go back to where all this finance business began for me. It started in post secondary school. Everywhere you turn there's another credit card company offering you the world via a tiny-fit in your wallet-easy, breezy shiny plastic card. What's a bright eyed optimistic theatre student to do? Soo...you sign up and go out! And out! And out! Because you only have to pay the minimum; you go out a lot. But those little minimums grow, and that balance you were carrying; starts getting big and heavy fast! Suddenly all you have is balance owing...
Well, you grow up. Decide to pay a school to teach you. The government gives you 15% of zero as OSAP help. Then for the next 130 months you have to pay them back but most of that is interest. Then when you actually start making the money to pay them back, you have to pay the government for getting the job with the paycheck you were working towards. Letting you sit there for a year, unknowingly accruing another kind of interest. Then the government pipes up again with a wage change. You're held captive by being a good person. Because you want to keep flying below the radar, it's only a matter of time until they catch up to all the really bad stuff you've been doing. So, you might as well pay taxes and keep your chin up.
With the government I have to pay off last year, with this year's money. Because this year's money went into the wrong account and the many branches, no, tentacles of the CRA don't speak to each other. Les sigh. So, I am paying it off as go. The problem? I am making more money this year... Oh oh. So I need to save twice the amount! And wait the twelve billion years it takes to organize any 'oversight' on their part. But Kevin-forbid you be late- for that you'll have to pay.
It's a constant battle for good and evil. Well, make that evil and evil. Save me Wealthy Barber, I need some money advice. To pay anything online it costs me 1.50 or .57 cents +a stamp+ a chequing fee to mail it. It's a very complex system of cheques and balances. Two distinctly different bodies, struggling to get ahead in business. It amazes me that the world has come to such a money controlled crossroads with the important things in life quickly disappearing from sight in the rearview mirror. Though I guess I would feel better about it if that mirror was attached to my new boat.
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